essays

I'm kind of sad that my latest scoring project ended today, and not just because I was sitting next to a very nice lady I made friends with. Scoring hundreds of essays all about the same thing is grueling, especially when you're tired and a lot of stuff is written in sloppy, illegible cursive. The essays blend into each other and eventually become an indistinct and viscous substance that is only Essay, that is an archetype of its own, there is one Essay that seeps into your eyes and slows down time and makes you forget your life before Essay. I read the same things over and over again, the same comparisons between readings, the same summaries, the same personal perspective (everyone writes about the subway!) until my back and neck hurt too much and my eyes are glazed over and I get to go home for the day. Still, it was okay.

Now, no essay is exactly like any other essay (unless someone cheated), and some are indeed memorable for being particularly good or bad or just weird, but most can be grouped into categories:

The Meh
Most essays. The basic mediocre essay that gets a low to middling score. Might summarize only the first few pages of the main reading, indicating that they didn't read the whole thing. Shows a lack of critical thinking and ability to analyze ("I agree with everything I read"). Usually has only the most simplistic thesis ("I will show that basic concept X influences this thing that X is a part of"). Often overuses and misuses words that they think sound smart, such as "aspects" and "utilize."

The Sore Winner
Some better papers fall into this category. The smart students who know they're smart and show it off in a dickish way. They feel they should write with a unique voice to stand out and project authority, so they adopt one that is snarky and elitist. Might outright insult the intelligence and writing ability of the authors whose texts they had to read for the exam. I wish I could downscore people for being annoying but that's not how it works.

The "Who's Your Audience for This Essay?" Essay
The rarer essay that approaches a topic from a religious perspective and doesn't consider or care that I, the scorer, might not be persuaded from doing a thing because it's "playing God" or "you can't top God" or that a thing is this way because we "have souls." This stuff is fine to put as your personal perspective, but it's not substantive analysis, and you shouldn't assume just any reader will find it compelling evidence for your case.


What else: Evan and I will be in Iowa City another year, and I have gotten as far as beginning to draft an email to a professor. Tomorrow I should just do it. No, tomorrow I will do it, and if I say it on my blog I can't take it back. I will not edit it out and pretend I didn't say it. Katy, stop assuming that you will fail before you even do a thing. That's not a good way to be.



it's 2 AM and I'm tired now